Steaming the Bridesmaids

 Some of you will recognize this extreme from past weddings and some will think it crazy. My friend is Mother of the Bride and as she told me, the second most important person after the Bride. (Not sure where the Groom comes!)   So why is she treating herself as the least important person? She is organizing it, mainly as her daughter works full-time. Good excuse, must watch out for that one although I can quite see how it happens that you're at daughter's beck and call. My friend wants to be deeply involved and that's why she is. It did not just work out that way.    This wedding has been planned for 18 months. My mother met and married my Dad in 6 weeks. Forty years later they're still together. Have fun together and apart, that's what she tells me. She did think it odd that he wore two pairs of trousers, one over the other. He was working in the Far East, where the temperature was in the 100's and had come home to Liverpool where my mother snapped him up - at least that's what he says.   Have fun. How do you do that when you have not done it for ten years +? Doing things for other people all the time can be very fulfilling yet women with young children now are starting to get it right. They will work, some of them full-time after they have had babies yet they insist on time off. Are they selfish? They are sensible. They can see their mothers literally worn out by years of caring without taking a break and it's not only mothers. It is anyone who constantly does things for other people: workers in the voluntary and public sectors, people with their own businesses. Not having fun wears out parts of the body that you don't think about because they don't bother you, like ears. Wearing out comes with age or being a high performance athlete so why is a reduction in hearing such a shock? No-one realizes the impact of a disease until they have to cope with it. Exercise instructors and now the government have finally woken up. More exercise, more walking, keep the blood flowing. Gym rats, those with washboard figures who never had children, they can keep their walking like on a hamster's wheel. We need fun.   Like we used to. Like when we were children. We took everything at face value and never looked for meaning beneath. There is a lot to be said for keeping it simple.   Ten minutes a day. Will you join me? Tell me what you see when you're out that you would never notice from your car. You can meet local people, see the old man who forces himself to walk round the block every day because he knows he must keep the blood flowing, the shrub that is flowering at the back of the border and you haven't given yourself time to notice.   Start with ten minutes to yourself away from babies, anyone under 25 and anyone who wants you to do something for them now you have a minute free. Most people I meet, do not have hobbies. With me they have five minutes to work it out because it is a question on the form we're completing to qualify for Disability Living or Attendance Allowance (on hearing impairment). You can bubble it in your head for several days. Often it helps to sleep on it. What is the first thing you want to do when you get up? It can't be work. That means you haven't thought about it enough. Take a few days: it's your life you're thinking about. No worries if it is something easy like reading. The Library is free in the UK. I could spend my life in it. See you there.   The concept of having time to yourself in the day is hard to get over. Working people feel they should be out making money and non-working feel they should be out looking for a job. Stop this wheel spinning.. Try repeating to yourself "Slow this spinning wheel, I want to xxx. If you want to get off and change your career, your life, you only have one so it may as well be now. No worries if you cannot think of anything you want to do. We will do that next.   And my friend? The wedding is next week and I see a glimmer of hope. She showed me the bride's silk undergarments. When I wanted to know where hers were,, her lips tilted into a small smile. If I've planted a thought to treat herself, then it might keep her sane for the next week.